December

I’m sure we all remember Narrator 4 in the Nativity story. That’s the vital role my son has been offered in his school production. It’s the essence of Christmas, the part that holds the whole story together. Without narrator 4 Christmas is as good as over. Narrators 1, 2 and 3 are merely scenery, a warm up act for the main event. Throughout his school career he’ll always be remembered and adored for his fine performance, I’m sure of it.

My own acting career died in its infancy. After rigorous auditions I was offered the second most important role as Joseph.(As we know, Narrator 4 is the principal role.)  However, the moment I discovered I’d have to kiss Mary, played by the headmaster’s daughter, I decided acting wasn’t for me. With my boy it’ll be different. He’ll kiss anyone to make it to the top. I’ve told him so. And it’s not about putting right my childhood failures. It’s not. It really isn’t. just leave it, alright.

By the way, the boy who played Joseph in my place was terrible. No feeling. Kissed her like she was diseased.

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November

My agent has declared me as a brand. To celebrate this and to join in the spirit of Movember, I have grown a beard and approached the good people at Kraft with the possibility of fronting their upcoming Dairylea ‘Beards for Africa’ campaign.